Decisions.

When you decided to choose a partner, it means you have decided to stay together forever... and its a choice for both. Everything comes in pairs. 
And you need to make it works along with the chronicles of journey, with bitter sweet riding in the picture of perfection.
I am contented, thankful and blessed that I have found my other half in the most beautiful and mystical ways that GOD has planned for me.


My life, my world has been enchanted with many events, which comes in the forms of many subjects.  And I believed I am one of the charmed ones, not in a sexually inclination - but in my own powers that was bestowed to me, to whom only few will understand. Sometimes, I felt that my family will understand especially when they have been in many mystical events, beautifully arranged by the Creator itself, but my doubt is real. They do not to one extent where I feel that I am only in my own world. Until, one day, one moment, one encountered - I met my other half after years of my failure in seeking love.
Someone, who is out of the expected came into the unexpected moment just filled in the empty jug filled with mixed fruity blended juices. Bitter and sweet, consistently staying, pushing positively, coached, cared, loved and never want to let go of my decisions. My decisions in accepting the whole of ME.


For once after my 30 years of breathing, I have fully accepted that I am never crazy. I am never insane. But I lack the courage to explain and I do not deserved to even shared or obliged to explained my prowess of pictures that I saw in my dreams. My other half has decided to believe, guided and explored the beautiful dreams mystically played every now and then in my mind. I can always visual it, as it never leave my mind. The mindset is a powerful tools that I can never prove the existence of it, but I can convinced it with the events that came after. Has it really been there nor never, its up to me to decide if I ever wanted to let it stays. But it happened. My other half has decided that I should let it stay, to follow up on the beautiful events that will happen next. 


Decisions are not something that one can choose, but ones which can be finalized. And it visited you in many ways.


Marlini Ridlis Ismail

Furqan starts his Playgroup.

Today is the first day that Furqan our youngest son will start his first session of Playgroup. An early start for all my kids, Furqan at 20mths enters his preschool days at Al-Amin Preschool, same as his older brothers. This year, he will have an advantage, as Khair is still in K2.

As much as I want hime to be independent, make more friends and let him have his play time among his peers, my feelings of leaving him there eludes with a lot of anxiety. I will miss him every seconds as now even when he is asleep and I cant imagine when my boobs starts to engorge as a sign that he needs me. I am sure he will start crying the moment he step up the school van. Well, since Khair starts school only on Thursday, I cant imagine on how Furqan will cope today. Eventhough, we will be visiting him at school but not visibly showing signs of us.

I cant help but start to feel sad, sad at the thought that he will start to make new friends, sad at the thought that I will have my own 'ME' time but deep inside, Im gonna missed him to the max!

And yes, these are the feelings I had been through years back during times where Sufi & Khair starts their preschool. I cried! I cried at the thought that they are far from me. Cried at the thoughts that they have almost entered independent world. I hate this feelings but I cant let my heart rules my head.
These are the precious moments I have to cherish. These are the moments I let them be independent but still bond freely with their parents.

Furqan. Mummy is going to be with you thou far, its gonna be just you & me.... Clenched in our 'Mother & Child' thoughts.

I saw my late paternal grandma.

Today dream was a very sad ones. In fact, it touches my heart deeply that I knew I cried sadly in my dream. Its has been only few months that she left this world, without me having the chance to meet her for the final time. Bad-blood ran through until the day she left us. Its a choice as not to offend anyone at home.
I have been silly as not to choose a choice that I will never regret in my whole life, no doubt I knew she will never hold any grudges against me - her granddaughter.

I missed her. I missed her terribly. I have been thinking non-stop about her from day 1 that she left us. Until, last night. I saw her coming to me, seat beside me and put her hands on my shoulder looking across the view that I am facing to. The warmth of her hands can really be felt onto my skin. I missed that moment. She didn't say anything, she just sat and giving me the assurance that everything will be fine.

I felt assured infact, never been that assured before. I hope to see her again.

The white holiday crawl in.

Why do I call it white? Is when my children start comparing the south pole and north pole to be a white month for December. Which means, snow all over the other part of the world, while its very cold, windy here in Singapore. We felt extra blessed due to our house location, facing the expressway that is facing the Punggol sea and not forgetting the wide open field across our flat and the river park across the streets conecting to the sea.

As much as they wanted to be in the snow, I told them that they are blessed with happiness and almost the 100% good things in life while others are not so fortunate. Why the sudden urged to explain? Not really, as I always try to make them realised of the less unfortunate ones across the globes on every and each fectivals. How lucky they are, to have family and friends to celebrate Eid, New Year, Chinese New Year and even the happy occassion of Xmas. These are the few festivals we get to enjoy as we are in a multi racial country.

Well, nevertheless apart from all this festives, the school holidays has been a fruitful event for my children. They had a break in November away from all academic revisions. All they do was play and sleep, read and watch lots of dvds and also cartoons. And now, December has started with slowly revisions interactively engaged and the best part, they participated in Legos competition held by Anchorvale Community Club just across our flat! Their first time! And I must admit, they are so abstract in their own world. Although they did not win any prize, they are more than happy to try out something challenging during this holidays.

And they are looking forward to their short trip to Malaysia on Xmas. I am too.

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